Just had to vent and confess.
I spent all day shopping and preparing for last night. Spent good effort on my make up and for what? To be a ghetto ractchet mess?? No. I'm upset with Tiffany for be so embarrasing. You are a grandmother and should be acting like a lady. We go into the restaurant (which was underwhelming) they were rude to servers and we didn't know what was going on.
Premiah gets there about an hour late and seperates herself. We stay at the table cause food is coming. So our groups are seperated. Honestly the beginning of girl drama. I'm soooo not used to girl drama. Haven't been in that mess since high school and I thought I left it all behind. We finish eating and I go to see Premiah. She wanted to know what we were saying at the table and why we didn't come in. You could tell she was upset and I didn't want that. I told her were underwhelmed with the setting and mostly waiting for her which we shouldn't have done. She should've been there. She said we could bar hop but no one was feeling that. The energy was just not mixing.
Phylicia and I go next door and when we come out Stacey and her ratchet rude friend are already in the car about to leave. I asked her if she told Premiah what was going on and she said yeah she told Premiah. I honestly didn't want to go to some hood ass club but I also didn't really wanna stay to wait for night that had no direction. It was a mess. Phylcia says she wants to go home and I think that sounds like a good idea. I ask Bobby to pick me up.
At this point I'm relieved to go home but I also feel bad. I wouldn't want people to do this to me on my birthday but I would like it to be more organized as well. I like planning and I like to know what going on. I was concerned for Premiah.
About an hour into me being at home, Premiah calls me. She wants to know where we're all at. I said I went home. Appearently things atarted picking up, people are drunk and she says that its a blast. Im glad shes having a good time. I kinda regretted leaving at that point but not really. I've been working 3 weeks straight. I haven't had a lot of time off. I think my heart wasn't as into it as I'd like. Plus that morning I could feel the beginning of a cold a brewing. I need to chill and I need to rest.
I woke up this morning still feeling bad. Regretting not staying but also just regretting my part. Not speaking up more and not being as much as individual as I could have. I'm dissapointed in my coworkers and friends. I'm dissapointed in my expecations. Plus I feel like I say too much and try to be on everyones good side too often. It feels like I'm playing the fence. I just really don't like feeling like people are mad at me. I gotta get over that. Ugh. Well I guess I'm just going to feel bad for a lil while but I'll get over it too. I care too much sometimes. But I know how I'd feel and thats how I operate. I go by how I'd like to be treated, But like I said, I expected something different and just decided to call it night.